...so I graduated from college

"We're happy, free, confused, and lonely at the same time." Excuse me while I borrow a line from Taylor Swift's 22 as I try to put my feelings about post-grad life into words. Who am I kidding, I can relate to the Queen of Pop's words all the time. All my confusing feelings about being a 21-year-old have heightened being that I am fresh out of school, having no real sense of direction of where I'm going in life. No longer a child, but not quite an adult either. Man, I had no idea the post would turn dire so quickly, let me do a 360 degree turn and share some bits & pieces of my graduation day with you: 

June 14th was a special, yet overwhelming day. It was the day of my college commencement, a bittersweet milestone marking the end of four beautiful years spent in college, while introducing a new chapter of my life. That morning was hectic, to say the least. My housemates and I were running around the apartment, greeting family and friends, while getting ready for the whole ceremony. To think it got that crazy on a graduation day, I can't begin to imagine how a bride must feel on her wedding day. My friends and I actually joked about that, thinking this was probably nothing compared to a wedding day. After having my roommate's aunt touch up on my eye makeup and put on some fake eyelashes, I was out the door for the ceremony check-in, but not before devouring two chocolate chip cookies. I considered that my breakfast. 

In the summer-like heat, cheers and celebratory moods filled the air, as the Class of 2015 made its way into the official ceremony. It was an amazing feeling seeing all the proud faces of parents and loved ones. The ceremony lasted a little over an hour, but felt longer being that we were seated under the blazing sun. As for the moment of walking on stage to receive my diploma, honestly, everything from the handshake to receiving a scroll felt like a blur. I was too focused on listening for my cue to walk on stage, and trying to avoid tripping that I couldn't process everything in time. Or in other words, I was nervous. It wasn't until after I returned to my seat that I realized there was photographer who was only standing a few feet away from me on stage, capturing the once-in-a-lifetime moment. (facepalm)

After the ceremony, the real photo sessions broke out. From left and right, high and low, pictures were taken from all sides and all angles. Looking back, it was quite possibly the last time everyone will be together in one place. Now that college is over, we are all going our separate ways, as we embark on the next chapter of our lives. Who knows when the next time I'll be seeing all the amazing people I've met in college, knowing that life will most likely get in the way. The hardest part of all the goodbyes wasn't the fact I'll be leaving the place I've called home for the past four years, it was leaving the people (friends, professors, co-workers, mentors, etc) that made my experience here in college all worthwhile. I'm going to miss my roommates the most. All those late-night talks, spontaneous gym sessions, baking adventures, and long study nights may not sound much to an outsider, but they mean a lot to me and I feel very lucky to have been a part of it all. Though we are all in different places, I believe that sometimes distance brings out the best friendships, and true friends are never apart, even when the distance says otherwise. The quote below says it better: 

"True friends never apart maybe in distance but never in heart"

- Helen Keller

As always, onto my favorite part: photos!

{ with my roommates; p.s. I'm on the left }

{ commencement; stage is the white tent on the left }

{ seated for the ceremony }

{ cued to walk on stage }

{ after the commencement ceremony } 

{ being silly }

{ family selfie as a post-graduate !! }

Who I am

There is something I want to get off my chest. Being that I generally have a hard time opening up about my fears and insecurities, I thought this would be a safe medium for me to express my anxious thoughts. It’s impossible to not sound dramatic when I say this, but I’m in a bit of a crisis in my life, more specifically I’d like to call it the “quarter-life crisis”. I’ve been feeling extremely lost and confused about what my long-term life plans are and have felt this way for a long time now. Ever since freshman year of college, I worried about the unforeseeable future, and not knowing where I see myself 5, 10, or even 15 years down the line. I kept these flustering thoughts in the back of my head, and every once in a while, they would creep up on me and make me go into moments of panic and stress. But I reminded myself that I was in college, a place where people grow and find themselves, and where great opportunities are just around the corner. I convinced myself I had plenty of time to experience new things and discover my passion, so I chose not to dwell on the gloomy subject and made the best out of every moment in college. Being the stubborn optimist that I am, I said to myself that things would have a way of working themselves out and when the timing is right, I’ll have it figured out. Now three years later and only a few months away from my college graduation, I am in the exact same predicament as I was when I first started college; lost and confused, and haven’t the slightest clue about what I want to do with my life. 

Being a soon-to-be college grad means I get asked countless questions about my plans after graduation. What are you going to do after graduating? What sort of jobs are you looking into? Will you be living at home with your parents? My insides turn a little every time I think about my responses to these questions, because it reminds me of how close I am to going out into the real world. I admit that I’m the non-confrontational type; I tend to avoid conflicts and run away from my problems. When I sense trouble ahead, I either look the other way or find a way to avoid it. It’s not a healthy thing to do, but it’s what I’ve always done. So when these questions arise from time to time, I would feel apprehensive about my so-called crisis for a few days, and let myself be distracted by the daily things in my life. It wasn't until a couple of days ago that I realized the reason I've been feeling so down lately is that I’m emotionally unprepared for the next chapter of my life. I'm at such a crucial point in my life, yet I feel completely and utterly lost. Since I’ve been avoiding to address this crisis of mine, it’s affected my mood, which brings me back to finding an outlet to getting these uneasy feelings off my chest.

For someone who doesn't like to focus on the negatives and is rarely ever upset for more than ten minutes, it’s hard for me to talk about such a nerve-wracking topic. Part of me was reluctant to share, because putting my feelings into words made it all seem too real and too scary for me to grasp. I have the Internet to thank for giving me the courage to write about my anxious thoughts, as it all started when I was going through my long feed of blog posts the other day. I stumbled across a somewhat vague, yet relatable post from Christine, a Youtuber whom I've followed for a while now. In a rather personal post, she wrote about some of the things I myself have been facing, such as being at crossroads in life, and being distracted by our daily routine that we often forget to look at the bigger picture. Reading her "predicament" surprised me in a good way because her words were so raw and touched me on a personal level, thus revealing a sense of realness that made it easy for me to relate to. Though I’ve only known her on the Youtube front and admired her work from afar, reading her thoughts and feelings reminded me that we’re not so different, as we are all trying to find our places in life.

Coincidentally, within the same week, I was watching Youtuber Ingrid Nilsen’s March Favorite’s video, where she asked a powerful question: “Who are you?” As soon as I heard it, dots were connecting in my head and these three simple words had brought up all the unwanted emotions that I was trying hard to avoid. So many different answers can come from this short question, and I have no doubt each comes with a compelling story to tell. To answer the question "Who are you": I am a confused 21 year old, who will soon be graduating from college, and I feel hopelessly lost about what I want to do for the rest of my life. I’m the kind of person who holds onto every bit of that childlike wonder, and is always looking on the bright side. I tell myself to worry less, and do more as I try to find a place where I truly belong, both personally and professionally.

As if the blog post and the video weren’t clear enough signs from the universe telling me to face my problem, the day after, the post titled “I’m graduating college and I am absolutely terrified” from HelloGiggles popped up on my blog feed. From being this close to finishing a full-time education to feeling uncertain about the future, it’s like the writer read my mind and voiced all the thoughts that have been taking over in my head. This leads me to talk about my own version of how I feel about graduating college, which throws me right into my quarter-life crisis. Each day that passes puts me closer to going out into the real world, and boy, am I terrified. Aside from friends and family asking about my post-graduation plans, I constantly have my own set of questions going through my head. What am I going to do after I graduate? Am I going to have to move back home? How am I going to pay back my student loans? Then my optimistic self would come in and I would tell myself it’s okay to feel this way, and that everything will work out in the end. Of course, then I revert to my anxious state, and blame myself for being such a disappointment to my parents. It’s an endless cycle that always leaves me feeling torn, confused, frustrated.

I think the root to my quarter-life crisis is that I have been so accustomed to holding onto my identity as a student that I am unsure of what my next role will be, causing major anxiety. We all take on roles in this world. Whether you’re a mother, athlete, or entertainer, we belong to a category that has a set of pre-wired social standards. I’ve been raised with the idea that occupation defines us and shapes the path we go on. The thought of having to figure out what I plan to do for the rest of my life, and the possibility of being defined by the career path that I choose to take, is seriously terrifying. All my life I’ve spent in school and have done what has been expected from me, there were always assignments to complete and deadlines to meet in school. Frankly, I thought that as long as I did my work and played my role of a good student, I would be on the right track. Clearly, it’s not so simple. In my four years of college and living on my own, I’ve learned that life is a journey, filled with many trials and obstacles. In every challenge that we face, we become a little wiser and better at figuring out how this life thing works.

As I look back on Christine’s post, listen to Ingrid’s answer to the question “who are you”, and bring up the bookmarked article on graduating college, I realize that I’m not alone in this. Like Maya Angelou once said, “We are more alike, my friends, than we are unalike.” Everyone is on a different path, but ultimately I think we are all searching for the same things, and trying to find our place in this world. Though I’m being pulled in all directions in terms of my future plans, I understand that it’s a process I have to go through. My journey has only begun, and being the true optimist that I am, I know that the bad, the good, and everything in between that come my way will shape me into the person I want to be in the future.

Source: 

Via Xteeener 

Via Youtube 

Via HelloGiggles

Lights, camera, Christmas!

It's hard to believe Christmas is over! Last year, I shared a picture of the tree (post here), and wanting to keep the tradition alive, here is this year's picture!

In the previous post, I mentioned cooking an Italian meal on Christmas Eve for my family, and I'm happy to say that it turned out to be a huge success! My mother was extremely satisfied, and did not shy away from getting seconds. Seeing loved ones enjoy my cooking is one of the best things ever. I hope you had a beautiful Christmas with your family, friends, pets, and loved ones. Now, onto the festivities for welcoming the new year!

"Try"

Exhibit A: The power of photo-editing tools

The other day, I was on YouTube and stumbled across Colbie Caillat's music video "Try." I had listened to the audio version when it was first released and found the lyrics to be incredibly relatable and honest. The music video was just as moving maybe even more. It was raw and deep and the message behind it was truly beautiful and inspiring. It really got me thinking, hence the lengthy post that's about to follow. 

Being a 90's baby and all, I get quite uneasy sometimes when I think about how much technology, more specifically social media has taken over our lives through the years. In this generation where social media is literally everywhere and "sharing" has been taken to a completely new level, it has become a lot easier for us, especially young girls, to compare ourselves with others online and to feel the pressure of being "perfect". If you use social media apps like Instagram or Twitter, you would know that every day, girls post tons and I mean TONS of selfies of themselves. Whether they're posing in their bikinis or just taking a quick selfie in the car, the photos always come out looking effortless and pretty. Some girls might scroll through them without another thought, but there are others who might look at them and compare themselves and wonder why they are not as pretty or as skinny or as fit as the person they see on their screen. I would know because I've been there. I used to have spur-of-the-moment thoughts like "if only I had her skin" or "I wish my hair was as nice as hers" from seeing countless Instagram snaps of people who looked like they've gotten everything figured out. I should've focused my energy elsewhere because the truth is, no one looks that flawless all the time in real life. There's a good chance that the person who posted a selfie that was envied by thousands of people online was just having a really good hair day. I think we get so absorbed into comparing ourselves to others that we forget to appreciate our differences and the things that make us special. 

I see a lot of girls these days who are unhappy with their looks and want to get work done on them when they're older. This makes me really sad because the things they don't like about themselves are the things that I see as beautiful and unique. I wish they could see that because they may see imperfection, but I see beauty. Girls should NEVER EVER feel like they need to change their appearance for anyone or that they have to look a certain way to be accepted and liked. We need to remember to tell people of all ages and color that they're beautiful more often and to remind one another that we're all beautiful in our own way. There is no other person who is like you in this world, so be the best you can be and help others be the best as well. So go ahead and give someone a compliment today and the next day or tell your friends and co-workers, or a significant other that they're beautiful. They may not see it, but I bet there's someone out there who does. 

Now about that photo I have up there. You're probably wondering what the deal with that is. They say pictures are worth a thousand words, but I think people forget that pictures can also be very misleading. After all, we, the audience or speaking in social media lingo - the "followers", only see the things that the photographer wants us to see. For instance, the image on the left was what I had posted online without much editing and the one on the right, as you can tell, was enhanced, brightened, filtered, you name it. (Can I just say that I had no idea that my eye bags were that bad until I started playing around with the filters for my "after" picture). It was only then that I realized just how easily anyone can drastically transform an image or their appearance in mere seconds. Clearly the photo on the right looks like it had been worked on, but to what extent? You wouldn't know if I didn't have the "before" photo beside it. Here's another example that we see every day and is almost too hard to avoid: professional celebrity shots. There's now another tool for people to share and display professional photos of celebrities where they can reach a much wider audience: social media apps. Being that teenage girls nowadays can look at these Photoshopped images just by a few taps on their phones, they might get the wrong idea and compare themselves to something that isn't really achievable in real life. But they don't know that and no one's telling them otherwise because all they see is the after product. Those are the pictures that "sell", but they can have damaging effects on young girls and their self-esteem. It's important to not let the media get to us as they create such a false representation of how girls should look like. Beauty isn't about how many "pretty" selfies one has on Instagram or Facebook. Beauty comes from within and that's what really matters.

It's ironic how technology is meant to help us stay connected with one another and bring people together, and yet studies have shown that social media sites are making us feel lonelier than ever. This just all goes back to the downsides of social media. I can't stress enough how we should remember that not everything on the internet is what it seems and it's important to not get so absorbed in other peoples' lives. I've certainly had times where I would spend hours on my phone scrolling through pictures on Instagram, thinking how my life is so dull compared to others. Looking back, I could have done so many other things that was actually worth my time instead of just looking at a screen for hours on end. I'm going to end here because this has been such a long post. If you're still here  reading along, thank you, thank you! I would say that I'm not usually this chatty, but sometimes I just get really worked up on things. Let me add one more thing...

YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL AND DON'T YOU FORGET IT. 

A final note - I strongly encourage you to watch Colbie Caillat's new music video "Try" because it's the first in a long time that the mainstream music charts have had something this moving and raw. As I mentioned earlier, the message behind it is incredibly powerful and honest. Having it go unnoticed is simply unacceptable in my book. 

Goodbye 2013, hello 2014!

Psst! look at that sweet old couple behind me!

Some parts of the world have already celebrated the new year by now, but here in the states, the festivities have just begun. I always get a little nostalgic around this time of the year because it's hard to believe that another year has come and gone, just like that. It's crazy how time flies right by, it's like super Sonic speed or something. (Ya know? Sonic the hedgehog?). 

Although it's always sad to see another year end, I will gladly say goodbye to...

Twerking

Harlem shakes 

Scandalous Justin Bieber reports

But some of the stars and figures we lost in 2013 will be missed dearly...

Nelson Mandela 

Paul Walker

Cory Monteith 

"An ending is just another beginning." 
I honestly just thought of that saying and how appropriate is it to have it for this occasion! Look at me, trying to make it look all official with the italics and quotation marks :p
But in all seriousness, I'm looking forward to the new year (it's the year of the horse in the Chinese zodiac).

My resolutions for 2014:
-worry LESS
-let go of the past
-don't make quick assumptions about others
-work hard and do MORE
-don't let negativity get the best of me

I'm excited to see what 2014 will bring!

The beginning of the holiday season

There's something about a lit candle in a dark room on a cold night that just makes everything better. On Thanksgiving night, I was staring at this candle when I suddenly realized how happy I was. It came as a wonderful surprise as I haven't felt that way in a long time. So there I was, in the company of my loved ones and of course, delicious food, I was happy and worry-free. All the stress and frustrations I was bottling up floated away - it was the best feeling. I knew that it wasn't going to last, but I didn't let that stop me from enjoying the moment. In that instant, it was simply an amazing feeling. 

Maybe it's the holiday season, but I just feel extremely touched and thankful for everything and everyone in my life. I honestly could not have asked for anything more. 

Aside from the holiday season being a time for giving, I think it is also a time for reflecting. Looking back on the year, it is important to celebrate our triumphs while recognizing our mistakes and failures. I believe that, in doing so, it will help us grow into a better person.

With that said, it was really the candle that made me take a step back and realize what I was feeling at the moment. On a much lighter note, my new favorite thing is burning candles. I think candles are great at setting the mood because they create such a bright and calming atmosphere. Besides, it's a lovely addition for any occasion, especially around the holiday time! 

I hope you are excited for the holiday season as much as I am :)